It sucks being a writer sometimes. You could think of a hundred different plots and not be satisfied with any of them. The hardest thing about writing a novel is finding something you enjoy writing about, and be willing to further work and elaborate on. Lately I find myself interested in Crime Dramas, because of the raw emotion and realness they portray. I’ve never written anything longer than 10 pages, so I won’t be hypersensitive to any criticism I receive.
Lately I’ve been brainstorming ideas for plots and characters and I finally devised a quality story line that I can put my heart and mind into, here is a ‘dense sample’ of the opening.
I sensed a turbulent essence the moment I arrived into town, the endemic aura was too strong to neglect. The extreme heat and dense air pounded my face relentlessly. I looked up at the sky and it was coated in orange, layered with undertones of black, red, and yellow. It was like a mushroom cloud radiating through the sky, disposing of all the blue in its way as it took over. In that moment everything seemed unnatural, like something extraordinarily terrifying was about to take place. For a moment I debated turning back around and getting far away from this place, but as an atheist I have little faith in anything. I convinced myself to disregard that feeling because of how far fetched that idea seemed. Little did I know that disregarding this warning would be the biggest mistake of my life.
So yesterday was a splendid day, I was able to secure a $500 laptop, that hopefully wont break down within a week. A lot of shit has happened. My best friend Matt is getting done with his 2nd stint in the mental hospital. Its been a little over 6 weeks since my friend Nathan passed away from a car crash. My aunt is also slowly dying from cancer, and my Dad is with another woman, which is fine with my Mother. It is already March and I graduate at the end of May.
Now that I’ve got a suitable platform I will be posting a lot more often, so to all those who have stuck with me or will stick with me in the future, I want to say thank you.
So I’ve been doing some thinking lately and I guess it’s been wearing me down. I just keep thinking about how much I hate the world. All of the idiots are breeding at an alarming rate, but the good, smart, and successful people only care about their lives and careers. I just feel like the world, let alone the country, isn’t going to improve if it keeps trending in this downward direction it’s been going in. It’s hard to think positively about something that’s so filled with negativity, it’s just been hard looking forward to life lately.
Leave me like ashes in your fire pit
Tell me you care but you don’t give a shit
Wash me away in the ocean
Kill me because my hope is wearing thin
Leave me withered in the earth’s hard ground
Nobody will find me because I won’t make a sound
Let the wind take me up into the sky
And take me to a better place, before I die
Wait until I fold to open me up
Always go overboard to find our when you’ve had enough
Poison yourself just to see the light
And put out the candles before it gets too bright
Don’t ever listen to anyone not in your favor
One instance of kindness doesn’t make a savior
One instance of crime doesn’t make a criminal
There’s no purity when everything’s subliminal
So it’s only a couple days until New Years, and for the first I am actually putting serious consideration into a New Years resolution. The main thing I want to improve in myself is determination, actually having goals and things that I can strive for, and have a better idea of the person that I am. The end of this year (past couple months) has pretty terrible, and I’ve seen a lot of people run themselves into the ground lately. It seem like they’re not really going anywhere on life. My New Years resolution is, in short, to make something out of myself or at least start to.