Not for the faint of heart.

Just a warning, if you dont like hearing what I believe is the cold hard truth or cant handle negative vibes, then stop reading right now.

Ive never had a ture direction in this life, whether it was ignorance or issues fitting in with my classmates and into this very system. I was always afraid of slaving away making someone elses dream a reality, while being trapped paying bills and taxes, and it makes people think im lazy and worthless. I just wish things could be different, less hard on my spirit. Theres so much wrong with this country, a place where everyone thinks their free, but people dont know what true freedom is.

If we were truly free this whole matrix would collapse upon itself, and those elites that control everything and have so much power over us would be rendered powerless. Bankers and politicians making money from war and murder, families ripped apart because of this fucked up industrial military complex. Every country needs to have a powerful military to defend their homeland, but in America its all about power, not about defending every citizen and their rights. Big food companies prioratizing quantity over quality, not caring how much damage the ingredients and additives they use inflicts. Doctors making money for selling perscriptions instead of really treating all these diseases theyve suppposidly been spending forever researching on. Theres a reason the FDA banned cancer treatments like vitamin B17 and CBD, they dont want it to be cured. Lobbyists have too much power using their dirty money to impact rules and regulations in congress. These people are just worthless money hungry vultures who make things worse for the majority of us.

Theres so much more I can say, and you can call me cynical or ungreatful but im just stating facts the news media tries to censor. Im just sick of how backwords everything is, life shouldnt be this way, humans killing other humans for fun and profit. Damaging our air and our environment with chemicals and resources that are deemed by those in charge as acceptable. This country has been ruled over by those with the most money and power for almost its entire existence, and as inflation will always continue to go up, itll just get worse.

I just wanna be part of a community that looks out for eachother, thats grows their own healthy organic food, producing their own resources without the government trying to steal their share. If i could find a place where I could live off the land and not feel like a money slave, with some likeminded people, I would be content. I dont need to be rich, I just wanna be somewhere where money isnt everything, where violence and death isnt being promoted like in American culture. A place where people arent treated like cattle.

Swimming through my Mind

I find myself swimming through the sea of emotions in my mind quite often. I cant stand to be at home even though my family loves me and would do anything for me, i just feel like ive caused then too much pain. Everything is just boring now, and it sucks being without my baby, my soulmate. It really tears up my soul that I cant see her more often, it makes me just wanna leave everything behind and run away with her. I cant stand to let her go because shes one of the few things in my life right now that makes me happy.

I just wish i could go back in time and change what happened, but i cant so i gotta stop thinking about it. This life isnt worth living without her. The way she looks, her radiant spirit and warming embrace, just mesmerizes me and made me fall in love for the first time. I never felt like I belonged until I met my baby. I can die happy knowing Im not alone and have someone who loves me.

Leaving this corrupt society behind and running away with her just seems right, considering the predicament im in. I dont deserve to go to prison for this and i just hate thinking about how all these people in court are gonna be judging me, not knowing even close the whole story. Im just afraid of being caught or just not making it very far wherever we run away to. I wouldnt be able to go back home, but maybe my family’s just better of without me and all my problems. All i wanna do is just be with Kenna, like how it used to be not giving a fuck about anything except eachother. I just wanna see her happy because she deserves it, not all this bullshit she’s been through and dealt with in this life.

Ive tried to travel around different places just so I can find some peace and nostalgia from my past to comfort me as I try to escape this livimg nightmare ive been trapped in. Its always nice getting out of this town and seeing what life is like elsewhere, but the feeling and the experiencr isn’t as vitalized as before. Its better than just going to work and going home, hoping for the rare occasion I can hangout with my couple friends I have left.

Its always been hard being deeply honest about things like this with my parents, because a lot of how I feel would make them sad and I dont wanna dissapoint them. I felt like I was alive again after meeting my baby, and im scared and angry and sad because this is something real, but things wont be liks before. I miss all the memories we were gonna make but im thankful for the ones ive held on to and just hope I make her feel as good as she makes me feel. Ily baby, you and me forever ❤ M.C.

How I Feel (In Detail)

Life is intricate, life is beautiful when it’s at its basic state, its deepest root, but there are aspects that affect and distorts its natural innocence and beauty. There are good times and there are bad times, but right now I feel like I’m stranded in a tunnel void of hope, happiness, and life. Like i’m stuck in a freezer, my heart just keeps getting colder and colder the longer and further that I’m here. I feel like I’m encased in a cage of sorrow and emptiness. The way I’m feeling right now just tears my heart out, but numbs me at the same time. Writing has always been a channel, a place where my emotions can flow and I can just state my feelings and emotions, but it can help me dig myself out of this hole that I’ve found myself in. That’s how I feel.

#9: It’s Been a While

So it has been just over 4 Months since I last posted on here, so let me get you caught up. My main computer is shit, my laptop didn’t even work when I got it, so I really have had no applicable platform (I hate posting from my phone). Currently I’m in the school library finishing up on a project on Sociobiology, and I really have nothing better to do. I remember when I started to blog and how passionate I was about it and getting my opinions and messages out to the public, but recently I haven’t really cared enough to post on here, but recently I’ve wanted to start blogging again. {10/8}

The world is a lot different today than it was 4 months ago, with the outbreak of Ebola and the rise of the terrorist group Isis. I don’t blame people for being a little bit frightened of what the future may bring, but to be completely honest I’m not really scarred. The fear of Ebola spreading throughout the United States isn’t something that keeps me up at night, and I don’t know any one else who is. Maybe if it infiltrated Massachusetts I might be a little more worried. As for Isis, right now they have put out 4 videos of “Westerners” getting decapitated, along with a woman getting beheaded in Oklahoma. If I had to chose though, I am more worried about Ebola than Isis right now, but the worry isn’t affecting me in any way. Another hot-button topic is the NFL and how much of a mess they are, relating to their image and public relations. There has been multiple occasions were an NFL player committed domestic violence, and one occasion where an NFL player has been accused of child abuse for hitting his child with a tree branch for discipline, but the child was shown to have injuries on or around the genital area. The 3 most noteworthy of the accused are (or I should say were) star players on their teams (Greg Hardy, Ray Rice & Adrian Peterson). {10/9}

Alright that’s enough with the negativity and violence. For me life has been up and down in this little ‘break’ period that I’ve had, but recently it’s pretty good. Recently I broke my finger and got it evaluated yesterday and they say it’s healing fine, and I don’t feel any pain in it, and can bend it a lot more than I could before. School started up over a month ago and so far it’s been pretty good actually. My Dad is on the verge of signing a record deal, possibly as soon as Saturday. He is currently working with a mix of musicians from local bands Bad Karma, Third Knuckle, and his band. I do feel like a bum because I really haven’t been looking for a job until recently, and haven’t been doing much of anything productive, just chilling and doing nothing, so hopefully I get a call back soon and get a job. Well that’s all I have to say, soon I’ll be getting back to the usual posts because my laptop just got fixed. Thanks to those who have and are sticking with me, I will aim to give you some of the best and truthful blog posts that you could look for.

#8: Colleges and Mall Cops

Alright so I planned on meeting my friend in Braintree the other day, and I realized that I still hadn’t used my college tour day yet. I woke up at the normal time that I do for school and left like 15 minutes later than I normally would. So I get down to the train station and the train was scheduled to get there at 8:07, well I checked the time and it was 8:10. I then went on my phone and looked up the mbta website and find out some idiot got her car stuck on the tracks. So the train got delayed by about 25 minutes and got there at 8:32. I arrived at the Braintree station and then took the red line to JFK/UMASS and just barely made it in time.

So I get into this little room where other people are scheduled to take a tour also, and we go over this 45 minute power point, and then met with the tour guide. The facility was impressive and there were alot of constructions being done, but what really caught my eye was the catwalk system, it went on for a long time. There was nothing truly memorable other than that, but I really am considering trying to get my grade up and getting into that college, or at least any.

So I take back the shuttle bus to the train station and go up to Braintree. I had about 2 hours to wander around and do nothing, so I went to get a coffee from Dunkins and walk up to the mall. After those two hours my friend hit me up and we met at his house and then just started walking back up there. We didn’t even go in the mall we just went up to the very top of it. Now I was also at the very top during my first trip there (It’s about a 25 foot drop to the parking lot below that and an even further drop to to parking lot) and a white security guard came on walking by and didn’t say a word to me. On the second trip there me and my friend were in the exact spot and I was sitting on the ledge while he was standing. All of a sudden a black security guard came walking over here and said “Now tell me what’s wrong with this picture” and I replied “Nothing officer, I don’t see anything illegal going on over here.” Long story short he kicked us off the property for fucking sitting on a pretty secure and pretty not dangerous are were the ledge was really wide and there was no way I was falling from there. Basically what I’m trying to say is I wonder what would’ve happened if some black kids were in our situation, with a black mall cop walking by and saying nothing and then a white mall cop later on kicking them off the property, I wonder if the word ‘racist’ or ‘hate crime’ would be used. 

One more thing, the reason why I was sitting on the ledge is because I like the spot and it was a good spot to take some photos of the clouds and the surrounding from, I was never going to fall off the ledge.

#7: This is actually real

So I stumbled across one of the trends on Facebook and it talked about Justin Bieber killing black people and joining the KKK, and I just had to post something about this. So I watched the video and he was like 14 years old and the video just surfaced now, like really, how can a video like that be covered up for over like 3 years. The video was basically him saying “One less lonely nigger” a few times, and then he said “If I kill you I’ll be part of the KKK”. I know what you’re thinking, and no I am not lying, here’s the video link, or actually here’s a few of them if one site takes it down or something. Actually no it’s TMZ they’re definitely gonna leave it up

Wow, that’s a new level of terrible even for ‘the Beibs’. I also read about Whoopi Goldberg of all fucking people defending him, saying “The N Word means nothing in Canada”. I’m pretty sure that the N-word has gotta mean something everywhere. Also one more thing, stay classy Bieber.

#6: Double Standards

(Taken from “Professional Privilege Checkers Inc.”)

Double Standards
Music video with half naked men dancing:funny
Music video with half naked women dancing:sexist and objectifying
All man’s college:sexist
All woman’s college:empowering
MRA:sexists and rape apologists
Woman checking out a guy and calling him hot:normal
Man checking out a girl and calling her hot:objectifying
Men’s rights:a joke
Woman’s rights:a serious issue
My boyfriend tries to take a bag into a store:sir you have to leave that by the door. We don’t want anyone stealing anything
I try to take my purse into the exact same store:go right ahead miss
Man pays for dinner:What a responsible man, taking care of his girl
Woman pays for dinner:What a horrible man she has, making her pay!
Man calls a woman a slut:Objectifying
Woman calls a man a douche:”You tell ’em, girl!”
Man goes into Victoria’s Secret with his girlfriend:”Ew, pervert, why does he have to be in here, go outside who cares if its raining!” (yeah that actually fucking happened)
Woman goes into a sex store:”Wow so cool, she isn’t afraid to come in here!”
Gay men:gross
Gay women:so fucking hot
Man cries:weakling
Woman cries:she must have broken down, poor dear
Man hits a woman:disgusting sexist pig
Woman hits a man:He must have provoked her
Man rapes a woman:”what a pig! he deserves to die”
Woman rapes a man:”Well, he had an erection, he obviously wanted it. Not rape.
Woman is in the military:”Wow, what a brave courageous girl”
Man is in the military:He must not have been smart enough to do anything else

#5: The best classroom discussion of the year

I really wish I published this yesterday but I didn’t get home til wicked late and had other shit to do. That’s not really important though, I still remember a good amount of the discussion. So I was in 4th block and my teacher started talking about McCarthyism. Now at that moment I wasn’t very interested due to the fact he talked about that and Joseph McCarthy for the past 2 days, but here’s where it got good.

He brought up the fact that ridicule is a great weapon, because when you accuse someone of being a rapist or a racist, then they are immediately antagonized and often times it can shut them up. He also talked about how women can claim that they were raped or beaten and they are automatically victimized, even if there isn’t any evidence. He also talked about how black people can do a similar kind of thing. Lets says a black and white person get into a fight, if the black guy calls the white man a cracker, then it isn’t a legitimate hate crime, but if the white person calls the black person a nigger, then its no doubt a hate crime. Even if there is no evidence to support the black persons claim, people automatically assume the white person to be a racist. It’s all because blacks are part of a protected class, and women are as well. Some black people also say that modern day whites should be punished for what our ancestors did, and I just think to myself “Fuck you, you didn’t live there life you piece of shit.” I just hate how people try to use that same stupid ass revenge for our ancestors shit to justify every outrageous fucking claim they make, or even in some cases to justify their crimes on white people.

He soon asked the class if any of them have been following the whole issue on the ‘Washington Redskins’ and how people in congress want that name to change, due to it being offensive. Now my teacher has a lot of the same views as I do, and a good amount of the class seems to for that matter. Anyways, one of the kids in my class brought up how he would be proud if there was a team that was named after his people (All the students in my class but one are white, and the one kid isn’t even fully black) and how he wouldn’t be offended, as having a team named after your people is actually holding them in high regard, kind of like celebrating them. Another kid who I’m good friends responded saying “So what, if I had a sports teams it would be acceptable to called them The Niggers.” (By the way my teacher is pretty deaf, and he’s only like 50). Now this was a tricky topic for me to get an opinion on, as Matt has a great point, but I don’t see any actual Redskins getting offended, and the word Redskin is nowhere as bad as Nigger.

Soon enough, just like I thought it would, the teacher started talking about feminism. He said that there are feminists and then there are extreme feminists, aka feminazis. A good amount of the class displayed their dislike of them, and rightfully so. There wasn’t very much discussion about this topic and quite frankly that was the end of the nice little half hour discussion.


#4: Defending Monday

Everyone complains about Mondays. It’s the start of a long work/school week, and the end of the weekend, and almost everyone enjoys the weekend. Personally, I dislike Tuesdays as much if not more than Mondays. Sure it’s a day closer to the end of the week, but there’s still awhile to go. At least on Mondays you’re rested up (unless you’ve partied all weekend), and sometimes its good getting back to work/school after being off for a few nights, it can be refreshing sometimes.

It’s a lot different after a long vacation though, I usually dread coming back after a week long vacation. I usually develop somewhat of a routine during vacations and I hate coming back, it isn’t refreshing like coming back after a short weekend.

All I’m saying is, I don’t think Monday deserves as much hate as it gets, sometimes it does, but most of the times Monday can actually be a good day.

#3: My take on remakes

What do True Grit, Oceans Eleven, Halloween, and Dawn of the Dead all have in common? Yes they are all popular movies, but they have also been remade into modern day movies. My friend who is a big movie buff often scoffs at classic movies that are made into what he calls “horrible attempts of recreation.” He says that the originals have some subtleties that can’t be remade nowadays. Now I do agree with that part in ways, but I also think that remakes boast better graphics, and sometimes better acting, or at least acting favored by people like me.

There are some movies I say that shouldn’t and couldn’t be remade (and turn out good). Movies like ‘The Breakfast Club”, “Dazed and Confused”, and “A Christmas Story” just have to many elements from the years of the past and I don’t think it would translate well into modern day films. These are just a few exceptions to the list.

I am actually a fan of the classic slasher remakes, probably because I wasn’t around to see the originals. My favorite horror remake is definitely “Friday the 13th.” That movie just had me interested all through the film, and in tune with what was happening.

Well, that was just a quick post that I decided to do about remakes. I don’t think they deserve as much criticism as they get, but then again most people criticizing were around to see the originals.