Swimming through my Mind

I find myself swimming through the sea of emotions in my mind quite often. I cant stand to be at home even though my family loves me and would do anything for me, i just feel like ive caused then too much pain. Everything is just boring now, and it sucks being without my baby, my soulmate. It really tears up my soul that I cant see her more often, it makes me just wanna leave everything behind and run away with her. I cant stand to let her go because shes one of the few things in my life right now that makes me happy.

I just wish i could go back in time and change what happened, but i cant so i gotta stop thinking about it. This life isnt worth living without her. The way she looks, her radiant spirit and warming embrace, just mesmerizes me and made me fall in love for the first time. I never felt like I belonged until I met my baby. I can die happy knowing Im not alone and have someone who loves me.

Leaving this corrupt society behind and running away with her just seems right, considering the predicament im in. I dont deserve to go to prison for this and i just hate thinking about how all these people in court are gonna be judging me, not knowing even close the whole story. Im just afraid of being caught or just not making it very far wherever we run away to. I wouldnt be able to go back home, but maybe my family’s just better of without me and all my problems. All i wanna do is just be with Kenna, like how it used to be not giving a fuck about anything except eachother. I just wanna see her happy because she deserves it, not all this bullshit she’s been through and dealt with in this life.

Ive tried to travel around different places just so I can find some peace and nostalgia from my past to comfort me as I try to escape this livimg nightmare ive been trapped in. Its always nice getting out of this town and seeing what life is like elsewhere, but the feeling and the experiencr isn’t as vitalized as before. Its better than just going to work and going home, hoping for the rare occasion I can hangout with my couple friends I have left.

Its always been hard being deeply honest about things like this with my parents, because a lot of how I feel would make them sad and I dont wanna dissapoint them. I felt like I was alive again after meeting my baby, and im scared and angry and sad because this is something real, but things wont be liks before. I miss all the memories we were gonna make but im thankful for the ones ive held on to and just hope I make her feel as good as she makes me feel. Ily baby, you and me forever ❤ M.C.

Finally…A New Post

So yesterday was a splendid day, I was able to secure a $500 laptop, that hopefully wont break down within a week. A lot of shit has happened. My best friend Matt is getting done with his 2nd stint in the mental hospital. Its been a little over 6 weeks since my friend Nathan passed away from a car crash. My aunt is also slowly dying from cancer, and my Dad is with another woman, which is fine with my Mother. It is already March and I graduate at the end of May.

Now that I’ve got a suitable platform I will be posting a lot more often, so to all those who have stuck with me or will stick with me in the future, I want to say thank you.

Just another opinion on cops killing black teens

So another black kid dead at the hands of a white police officer. This time there’s no doubt the kid deserved it, because he held a gun to the cop, and yet black people are still complaining. Are you guys that fucking terrible and twisted that it’s gonna take a cop to give up their defense and let a suspect kill them, will that finally make you happy? It just pisses me off how so many people act like those black teens in the national headlines that were killed are fucking saints, who actually helped out the very communities defending them, when in reality they were just there to take from them and give nothing back. This whole thing has gotten out of control and it isn’t getting better, America isn’t getting any better.