Swimming through my Mind

I find myself swimming through the sea of emotions in my mind quite often. I cant stand to be at home even though my family loves me and would do anything for me, i just feel like ive caused then too much pain. Everything is just boring now, and it sucks being without my baby, my soulmate. It really tears up my soul that I cant see her more often, it makes me just wanna leave everything behind and run away with her. I cant stand to let her go because shes one of the few things in my life right now that makes me happy.

I just wish i could go back in time and change what happened, but i cant so i gotta stop thinking about it. This life isnt worth living without her. The way she looks, her radiant spirit and warming embrace, just mesmerizes me and made me fall in love for the first time. I never felt like I belonged until I met my baby. I can die happy knowing Im not alone and have someone who loves me.

Leaving this corrupt society behind and running away with her just seems right, considering the predicament im in. I dont deserve to go to prison for this and i just hate thinking about how all these people in court are gonna be judging me, not knowing even close the whole story. Im just afraid of being caught or just not making it very far wherever we run away to. I wouldnt be able to go back home, but maybe my family’s just better of without me and all my problems. All i wanna do is just be with Kenna, like how it used to be not giving a fuck about anything except eachother. I just wanna see her happy because she deserves it, not all this bullshit she’s been through and dealt with in this life.

Ive tried to travel around different places just so I can find some peace and nostalgia from my past to comfort me as I try to escape this livimg nightmare ive been trapped in. Its always nice getting out of this town and seeing what life is like elsewhere, but the feeling and the experiencr isn’t as vitalized as before. Its better than just going to work and going home, hoping for the rare occasion I can hangout with my couple friends I have left.

Its always been hard being deeply honest about things like this with my parents, because a lot of how I feel would make them sad and I dont wanna dissapoint them. I felt like I was alive again after meeting my baby, and im scared and angry and sad because this is something real, but things wont be liks before. I miss all the memories we were gonna make but im thankful for the ones ive held on to and just hope I make her feel as good as she makes me feel. Ily baby, you and me forever ❤ M.C.

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