Just a warning, if you dont like hearing what I believe is the cold hard truth or cant handle negative vibes, then stop reading right now.
Ive never had a ture direction in this life, whether it was ignorance or issues fitting in with my classmates and into this very system. I was always afraid of slaving away making someone elses dream a reality, while being trapped paying bills and taxes, and it makes people think im lazy and worthless. I just wish things could be different, less hard on my spirit. Theres so much wrong with this country, a place where everyone thinks their free, but people dont know what true freedom is.
If we were truly free this whole matrix would collapse upon itself, and those elites that control everything and have so much power over us would be rendered powerless. Bankers and politicians making money from war and murder, families ripped apart because of this fucked up industrial military complex. Every country needs to have a powerful military to defend their homeland, but in America its all about power, not about defending every citizen and their rights. Big food companies prioratizing quantity over quality, not caring how much damage the ingredients and additives they use inflicts. Doctors making money for selling perscriptions instead of really treating all these diseases theyve suppposidly been spending forever researching on. Theres a reason the FDA banned cancer treatments like vitamin B17 and CBD, they dont want it to be cured. Lobbyists have too much power using their dirty money to impact rules and regulations in congress. These people are just worthless money hungry vultures who make things worse for the majority of us.
Theres so much more I can say, and you can call me cynical or ungreatful but im just stating facts the news media tries to censor. Im just sick of how backwords everything is, life shouldnt be this way, humans killing other humans for fun and profit. Damaging our air and our environment with chemicals and resources that are deemed by those in charge as acceptable. This country has been ruled over by those with the most money and power for almost its entire existence, and as inflation will always continue to go up, itll just get worse.
I just wanna be part of a community that looks out for eachother, thats grows their own healthy organic food, producing their own resources without the government trying to steal their share. If i could find a place where I could live off the land and not feel like a money slave, with some likeminded people, I would be content. I dont need to be rich, I just wanna be somewhere where money isnt everything, where violence and death isnt being promoted like in American culture. A place where people arent treated like cattle.
I find myself swimming through the sea of emotions in my mind quite often. I cant stand to be at home even though my family loves me and would do anything for me, i just feel like ive caused then too much pain. Everything is just boring now, and it sucks being without my baby, my soulmate. It really tears up my soul that I cant see her more often, it makes me just wanna leave everything behind and run away with her. I cant stand to let her go because shes one of the few things in my life right now that makes me happy.
I just wish i could go back in time and change what happened, but i cant so i gotta stop thinking about it. This life isnt worth living without her. The way she looks, her radiant spirit and warming embrace, just mesmerizes me and made me fall in love for the first time. I never felt like I belonged until I met my baby. I can die happy knowing Im not alone and have someone who loves me.
Leaving this corrupt society behind and running away with her just seems right, considering the predicament im in. I dont deserve to go to prison for this and i just hate thinking about how all these people in court are gonna be judging me, not knowing even close the whole story. Im just afraid of being caught or just not making it very far wherever we run away to. I wouldnt be able to go back home, but maybe my family’s just better of without me and all my problems. All i wanna do is just be with Kenna, like how it used to be not giving a fuck about anything except eachother. I just wanna see her happy because she deserves it, not all this bullshit she’s been through and dealt with in this life.
Ive tried to travel around different places just so I can find some peace and nostalgia from my past to comfort me as I try to escape this livimg nightmare ive been trapped in. Its always nice getting out of this town and seeing what life is like elsewhere, but the feeling and the experiencr isn’t as vitalized as before. Its better than just going to work and going home, hoping for the rare occasion I can hangout with my couple friends I have left.
Its always been hard being deeply honest about things like this with my parents, because a lot of how I feel would make them sad and I dont wanna dissapoint them. I felt like I was alive again after meeting my baby, and im scared and angry and sad because this is something real, but things wont be liks before. I miss all the memories we were gonna make but im thankful for the ones ive held on to and just hope I make her feel as good as she makes me feel. Ily baby, you and me forever ❤ M.C.
It sucks being a writer sometimes. You could think of a hundred different plots and not be satisfied with any of them. The hardest thing about writing a novel is finding something you enjoy writing about, and be willing to further work and elaborate on. Lately I find myself interested in Crime Dramas, because of the raw emotion and realness they portray. I’ve never written anything longer than 10 pages, so I won’t be hypersensitive to any criticism I receive.
Lately I’ve been brainstorming ideas for plots and characters and I finally devised a quality story line that I can put my heart and mind into, here is a ‘dense sample’ of the opening.
I sensed a turbulent essence the moment I arrived into town, the endemic aura was too strong to neglect. The extreme heat and dense air pounded my face relentlessly. I looked up at the sky and it was coated in orange, layered with undertones of red, and yellow. It was like a mushroom cloud radiating through the sky, disposing of all the blue in its way as it took over. In that moment everything seemed unnatural, like something extraordinarily terrifying was about to take place. For a moment I debated turning back around and getting far away from this place. I convinced myself to disregard that feeling because of how far fetched that idea seemed. Little did I know that disregarding this warning would be the biggest mistake of my life.
So yesterday was a splendid day, I was able to secure a $500 laptop, that hopefully wont break down within a week. A lot of shit has happened. My best friend Matt is getting done with his 2nd stint in the mental hospital. Its been a little over 6 weeks since my friend Nathan passed away from a car crash. My aunt is also slowly dying from cancer, and my Dad is with another woman, which is fine with my Mother. It is already March and I graduate at the end of May.
Now that I’ve got a suitable platform I will be posting a lot more often, so to all those who have stuck with me or will stick with me in the future, I want to say thank you.
So I’ve been doing some thinking lately and I guess it’s been wearing me down. I just keep thinking about how much I hate the world. All of the idiots are breeding at an alarming rate, but the good, smart, and successful people only care about their lives and careers. I just feel like the world, let alone the country, isn’t going to improve if it keeps trending in this downward direction it’s been going in. It’s hard to think positively about something that’s so filled with negativity, it’s just been hard looking forward to life lately.
Leave me like ashes in your fire pit
Tell me you care but you don’t give a shit
Wash me away in the ocean
Kill me because my hope is wearing thin
Leave me withered in the earth’s hard ground
Nobody will find me because I won’t make a sound
Let the wind take me up into the sky
And take me to a better place, before I die
Wait until I fold to open me up
Always go overboard to find our when you’ve had enough
Poison yourself just to see the light
And put out the candles before it gets too bright
Don’t ever listen to anyone not in your favor
One instance of kindness doesn’t make a savior
One instance of crime doesn’t make a criminal
There’s no purity when everything’s subliminal
So New Years Eve is a day away, and most people are gonna spend the night getting hammered and counting down the last seconds of 2014, at least the people that are sober enough to count properly. Truthfully I’m getting annoyed with hearing all this “new year, new me” bullshit. People are still gonna be the same idiot pricks reguardless of what fucking year it is. The only tradition that I appreciate is the New Years resolutions. It’s always good to set goals and strive to achieve them. But anyways, to all of you drinking tomorrow, don’t get to the point where you pass out in the woods for an hour, and have to be taken away in an ambulance. Drink responsibly and don’t go overboard on the Bacardi 151, nothing good ever comes out of that. And one last thing, thanks to all of my great followers, your support makes writing on this blog that much better. I wish you all the best, and have a great New Years.
So it’s only a couple days until New Years, and for the first I am actually putting serious consideration into a New Years resolution. The main thing I want to improve in myself is determination, actually having goals and things that I can strive for, and have a better idea of the person that I am. The end of this year (past couple months) has pretty terrible, and I’ve seen a lot of people run themselves into the ground lately. It seem like they’re not really going anywhere on life. My New Years resolution is, in short, to make something out of myself or at least start to.
Majestic river of my past memories
I hope she’s still flowing beautifully
Her face is still ever present
Her soul is still so iridescent
She’s gone but part of her is still here
She gave me love and she took my fear
I released all the feelings that I once kept locked
But now she’s gone and I feel lost
All of my secrets were washed away
I hope they won’t be found at shore or at bay
I told the river all that I kept inside
Because I finally found a place to hide
I would’ve been willing to drown or get ripped apart
Just so I could get closer to her heart
I would’ve done anything for that river
And now she’s gone, but I forgive her
I’ve been doing some thinking lately and realized that this blog could benefit if I incorporate not just a new theme, but a new category all today. Just to make this blog a little more versatile, I’m going to start blogging about music as well. Mostly older music from the 60’s, 70’s, 80’s & 90’s, just because its something else I can really put my heart into and write about. If any of my followers have a couple ideas on what I should write about just let me know, I’ll always consider what you guys say you want to see from this blog.